i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
