she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Randomize