and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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