We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
