Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
