there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize