did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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