just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I need to align my fucking chakras
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
