i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
The feeling are messing with the penis
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
