I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
