im having a threesome with these popsicles
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
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