Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Randomize
