Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
