the condom got lost in my hair
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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