We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
