and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
