You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
