so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
