I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Randomize
