Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
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