Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
