we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
