So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
