so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Randomize