High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
