there's paper in my vomit.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
It was like getting head from an anaconda
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
