Sacagawea was the original milf.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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