Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Randomize
