This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
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