I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
