so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
