Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
i would punch a child for taco bell
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
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