We won't sleep together?
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
