I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
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I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
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So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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