You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
