I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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