OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
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