i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
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