sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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