her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Randomize