Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Randomize
