Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
And my parents said I crawled through the house
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
