Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
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