yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
