is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Randomize
