when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
