I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Randomize
