so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
