i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
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he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
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It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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