I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
