the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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