The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Randomize
