He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Randomize
