Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
