Don't make out with my wife yet
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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