I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Randomize
