Heybabeimwearingurpanties
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Randomize
