The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
