Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
