So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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