feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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