bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Randomize
