me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
We are all done wearing pants today
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
