mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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