boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
