Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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